You know the moments when you are supposed to be focused on one thing, but your thoughts are floating in a completely different direction? That moment is now. My mind is consumed by so many questions. So many things I’ve yet to understand, that I fear I never will even begin to comprehend. Not only surrounding this journey in my faith in Christ, but my faith in humanity. The social world that I can never seem to break the plane of. The world that seems to dangle before my eyes, but it inevitably ever so slightly out of my reach. Much like my little angel kitten. Close enough to taunt me with the way I want for things to be, but far enough away to ensure it’s only by her desire and not mine that I can scratch her ears. Is this too a lesson for me to learn? To understand that our timing is not His timing? That, will as we may, unless He grants it to be then it will not be? That we are called to be content regardless of our own desires…that we are to rejoice in both abundance and in suffering?
But are those desires so wrong? The desire for fellowship, for community. The desire to be well liked. To be approved of. The desire to please. The desire to be included….
By no means are these desires contrary to what we are created for. We were created for fellowship. With Him. We were created for community. In His name. We were created to please. To glorify Him. He calls us His own. His precious children that He loves and includes in His family. We lose focus of these things and rely on man to give us what the Father has already provided through the Son. Yet here I am, able to spit some worthless words on a page when my heart still aches. Able to say what I know is the truth, yet still feeling so helplessly alone in the midst of this spinning world. I sometimes wonder why while His joy comes in the morning, why does mine fall with the sunset? Why do I let the littlest things bring me to a point of such doubt? Is my dream so far from my reality? How do I fail to see the blessings before me, and doubt my very story…the very essence of my life. It’s worth mentioning that my brother has always helped me to realize many things without even knowing, and generally without trying. He had this quote posted recently and I can’t seem to forget it. The memory of these words have both haunted and challenged me.
“Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but by how we react to what happens; not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst…a spark that creates extraordinary results.”
What would it look like if I lived my life in the context of these words? What would it look life if my life were approached with joy as my shield instead of doubt? With confidence instead of fear? With comfort in knowing that in His presence my attitude with reflect the one of the Most High? This is my challenge…only by His grace can I overcome….
