So many things have been on mind lately. For so long, I’ve been pondering the significance of meaning. The meaning of words. Of actions. Of our very lives. I’ve constantly been asking myself if how I’m leading my life has meaning and purpose. Am I effectively living day to day or am I just along for the ride? In reflecting during this season of Lent, I’ve come across so many words of wisdom I gathered this from an article I read recently and really loved how they expressed the lost art of fasting:
“Fasting belongs—if we’ve missed seeing this, it’s because we’ve seen only half of what the discipline is. There’s the obvious part, which is the denying of self and the giving-up of things. This is fasting from, as in, “What are you fasting from for Lent this year?” But the second half of fasting is where the meaning happens. This is fasting to—it’s a purpose, an opportunity. “To” is a space reserved so God can use and fill it, and the miracle of fasting is that He does. In the process, He transforms our simple discipline into something not only spiritual but deeply desirable too.”
During this season of Lent, while my husband and I both chose to abstain from some of our favorite food items, we’ve also pledged to add something meaningful “in place” of those items. Aside from the ever growing importance of centering our lives and our marriage on Christ and challenging one another to dive deeper into scripture and study of the Word, we’ve chosen also to act in a very real way to situations in our lives. I’ve begin thinking on a few concerns that seem to crop up wherever my mind wanders. Most of these concerns have at the core, I hate to admit, have been quite selfish.
For the longest time I chose to not participate in Lent because of the example I had been shown. Give up something, cheat on Sundays, and then return to normal after 40 days to over indulge in whatever that something was. Nothing filled the void of item/task forsaken drawing one closer to relationship with Christ; but the act was done for personal pride to draw attention to how strong their will power was, or for personal gain so as loose weight before spring break. This was quite the opposite of my understanding of fasting. To me fasting was to be done in secret. That in emptiness in that area we were offering up, we were to be filled in some manner. Throughout Scripture, fasting refers to abstaining from food for spiritual purposes. It stands in contrast to the hunger strike, or for health reasons such as dieting. Biblical fasting always centers on spiritual purposes. When I was a freshman, the discipleship group I was in read through and lived out The Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. This book (along with this incredible group of girls), changed my views on several topics, challenged my beliefs, and shaped my character greatly. One such topic was fasting. For a great summary of his points on fasting, check out this summary with excepts. (Additionally I was recently introduced to Naked Spirituality by Brian McLaren which goes through the spiritual disciplines in the context of the seasons of of lives and how they weave through them. I’m hopeful to check this out!)
So how does all of this tie back to my original thoughts on meaning and purpose you ask? Well, in light of giving up things in my life during this contemplative season, my biggest struggle has been what to fill these voids with? In pondering such options, every choice seemed either too menial, cliche or honestly, something that is or should already be a regular practice in my daily schedule. Struggling with these options I was presented with this quote from the late Steve Jobs by a friend from work who is not a believer…
“If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today? Whenever the answer has beenn ‘no’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”
Funny how the Lord chooses to speak to us all too often in the very places we never would have looked. And suddenly it made sense to me. That while I should be doing so many things to glorify the King and bear witness to His kingdom, this was a time to focus my energies on something specific and yet altogether abstract. That what has been causing me so much stress and frustration was to now be the focus of how to glorify the Lord. When I answered the question he posed to myself, I had to answer with a sincere ‘no’. My professional life has been an enormous source of excitement at times, however all too often the stress that bears down on me has been downright debilitating. This gradual destruction has inevitably creeped into other areas of my life effecting my very joy, and not simply just my job.
And this is where the ‘something’ needs to change. So my goal has become to find a way to find the joy again in the field I love despite, or perhaps in light of, the occupation that is tearing away at me. What this means yet I don’t know. I do however know that my mission this season of Lent is to search for the good at work. To find the positive in the midst of political chaos that is the ensuing downfall of this agency that started with such a heart. To be the light of Christ and simply love people. Not just the easy to adore students in our care, but the stubborn, rude and sometimes ignorant staff that care for them. And while I don’t know what the future holds for me professionally; whether it be a new job, more schooling, or something different altogether, I do know that He is teaching me where my talents and passions lie and how to use them in this important area of my life. All I need to do is listen for his guidance and watch for His light to guide me to the path I’m meant to follow…
