losing kaitlyn

Monday was comprised of one of the most difficult and emotional experiences I can remember in a long time. That night we said goodbye to a member of our family we had known for less than 3 days, and the pain has been unspeakable. It is unfathomable to me that such a tiny little being can capture your heart in such a short amount of time, yet here I sit, heartbroken from losing her.

On Saturday while we were out running errands we came across a little organization called Project Purr. We stopped in to look at all the kittens and fell in love with this tiny calico one from the moment we saw her. She was 7 weeks old and just over 2 lbs. She looked like a miniature version of Samantha and we knew they were going to be the best of friends…well, eventually anyhow. We left with the bounciest little bundle of fur that couldn’t quit purring even if she tried. We named her Kaitlyn and planned to call her Kate. She quickly earned the nickname squirt and continually nuzzled up fiercely in between us when she wasn’t chasing her new toys (or tail) around in circles. But more importantly than being simply precious, she was easy to love just for being there with us. She trusted that we would catch her when she jumped our way. She followed us around wherever we went, knowing we would not lead her astray…or accidentally step on her! She loved us unconditionally from the moment I picked her up, and   we couldn’t help but do the same. How comforting, and encouraging, it is to know what such love looks like…

After spending the weekend full of energy, bouncing everywhere she went, and cuddling without hesitation, her demeanor was drastically different when I came home on Monday. She hadn’t touched her food, looked like she was attempting to cough up a fur ball, and was quite lethargic. I knew there was something wrong, but I had no idea of what the night would have in store for us. After several attempts to get her to eat and worried calls to the vet, we headed to the animal ER to have her checked out thinking she had low blood sugar or a cold of sorts and simply needed some shorts. Quick and easy fix and our tiny new family member would be back to normal in no time.  That’s when she started to vomit, we learned she had a high fever and that her blood work came back bearing news we weren’t at all prepared to hear.  Kaitlyn had barely any white blood cells, and had feline panleukopenia. In short, she was fading fast and there was nothing we could do to stop it.

I have never felt so helpless and heartbroken. I couldn’t even comprehend my own reaction or the amount of tears that were to follow.  In such a short amount of time I had completely opened my heart to this tiny ball of fur. I adored everything about her without fear of rejection or lack of reciprecation. I love unconditionally. If this is my heart for a tiny kitten, how much more will it be one day for my own child.  I can scarcely imagine such emotion. A friend of mine recently lost her grandmother and made such an encouraging observation in such a time of heartbreak. We can’t change the past.  We can’t regret what we did or didn’t do.  We can only move forward, remembering those we loved and lost, and living out the best of who they were. Never passing up a moment to share how much someone means to us, and loving without question. We were so lucky to have known little Kaitlyn and loved her while she was here. We rescued her and provided her with a home for her final days and I can’t explain how much it means to me that she was able to experience what it means to have a family. But more than that, I am happy to have had her be a part of our lives, if even for a brief moment for all the love that she gave. While she is gone, she will not be forgotten. To say I will miss her is an understatement. I see bit of Kate in Sam, which only makes me miss her more, yet also be thankful that munchkin is still with us. As Sam was my first kitten, I never expected to love another cat near as much as I love my little munchkin, but Kaitlyn taught me that unconditional love is not measured with the terms more or less, but simply just different. 

frames of my two precious kittens with the month & year when they came home with us