Not Quite 27 Dresses - Simply Elliott

We’re at that age where everyone is getting married and a good many are having babies. I think in the past few years I have easily been invited to 50 weddings. I’m not even kidding. Between the the college crew, grad school buds, and high school friends, it just ads up. Now of course I haven’t been a bridesmaid in all of these weddings, let alone been able to even make it to all of them, but each one has been meaningful in their own ways. I have been a bridesmaid, scripture reader, program attendant, guest book monitor, and even a flower relocator multiple times in each duty over the years at dear friends special occasions. Weddings are always a glorious celebration of the couple of course, but also a time where your relationship with the bride or groom to be can be tested.

While the wedding planning period of the engagement is supposed to be joyous, it is also an incredibly stressful time of ensuring that you haven’t accidentally hurt someone’s feelings. It’s a careful game of balance when selecting the wedding party, the guests for the big day, and even who gets invited to what parties or showers. As if the bride doesn’t have enough to think about, she has to constantly be aware that by asking someone to do a different task in the wedding instead of being a bridesmaid could very well break her heart. That if you don’t invite the mom of your friend from elementary school that you haven’t talked to in years to a party where she doesn’t know anyone, she might well take it personally. Who knew there was so much to consider when putting together the celebrations of your happy life together?

Now I have been on both sides of this dilemma. I have been the bride. Inevitably leaving out someone who felt they deserved to be included. And for that I am so very sorry. I had no idea you felt so strongly. And I have also been on the other side. Of being asked to fulfill a different task than I thought I would. If I could tell my younger self anything about this matter it would be this – get over it, and move on. It is HER day. She has enough on her plate, does she really need to deal with your dramatic feelings of being left out? During such a time, does she really need to try to explain that yes, you do a mean a lot to her, that’s why she asked you to do “x” in the first place. No. At that time, what she needs is our unending support. Our smiling face that says, “Of course I will do “x” for you. I’d be more than happy to.” But more importantly, we need to believe that for ourselves. That we truly are happy for them and their day, because let’s just face it, this isn’t about us.

Recently a friend decided to not include another girl in her wedding party, and I can’t tell you what her response was internally, but outwardly she was more than congratulatory for her friend. And what else did she do to show it? Ask to throw her a shower. Now that is being a true friend. I wish I could say that was my response the first time I was in this situation, but regrettably I confess cannot. For lack of a better way to describe my reaction, I was a complete bitch. And I hate that it took me until her wedding day to actually figure that out, truly being a huge pain through the entire engagement. I was hurt, and didn’t know how to respond. I can, however, say that I have learned from my response and the response of other ladies around me in similar situations, and I wanted to share where I fell short in hopes that perhaps someone else wouldn’t make my same mistake. So my advice to you is this: cherish your friends, especially during their time of engagement. Don’t put your feelings ahead of your commitment to love our neighbors as Christ loves us.