Honesty is something we tend to overlook. We tend to view it simply in the realm of right and wrong. Truth and lies. While I have long adhered to the policy that one should always speak the truth in leu of weaving a web of deceit, even if it gets you in trouble. To confess the broken vase, despite the sentence of rewards being taken away. To declare the wrongdoing rather than placing blame upon a sibling. Far less often do we deal with the concept of honesty when the hurt that comes from our chosen words, will potentially fall to another. When by answering a question without sugar coating it, feelings may be bruised. Egos will feel the brunt. As is the old adage, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
Well…since we’re on the subject, lets’ just get honest. Sometimes the truth hurts. And sometimes, people need to hear it, despite that hurt. I know too many people who are afraid to say or write what they think for fear that someone will get their feelings hurt. Now of course, there are tactful ways to approach such conversations, but I have been in far more situations where disagreements, hurt feelings, and anxiety could have been avoided altogether had people just been honest with each other. This has been especially true this past year, and especially with my previous job and was one such factor that ultimately lead to my decision to leave. {You can read about how I became a quitter here.} And in light of that, I have come to appreciate the environment of honesty that has been cultivated in my marriage, family, and close relationships at such a higher magnitude than I previously had.
Until quite recently, however, a different form of honesty has rarely ever crossed my mind, thus bringing me to the one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned this year. Being honest with yourself. This seemingly is most often much more difficult for us as women. We are told to rejoice with others as they rejoice, putting our own feelings aside. Told to cease complaints, and simply “grin and bear it” when we feel we have been wronged. In essence, to bottle our emotions when they are less than joyous so that we may remain Godly women. In a sense, to be less than honest with ourselves when it comes to our emotions. And to believe that certain expectations of body, appearance, and homemaking can determine our self worth. In two recent posts, “Why me, Lord?” and Not Quite 27 Dresses I really started to explore this type of honesty.
The pastor at the church we have been going to here in Birmingham has really begin to challenge me to grasp at some of these and other issues. He spoke of how we are to lament to the Lord, never turning from Him, but crying out in our anguish and despair when and if we feel wronged. That expressing those emotions are far from wrong, but healthy and honest expressions in our relationship with Him of what lies within our hearts. We are not to lie to ourselves, believe surely we deserve such despair, as that is not the truth. In the same way we are to be open with ourselves about what is going on. Our choice of action then springs forth.
By allowing myself to acknowledge when I feel hurt, slighted, less than joyous for someone else’s achievements, far from attractive, not skinny, etc. it’s the first step towards making that situation one that can bring me joy. I can then choose to react out of love to change the situation, congratulate, and so on. By pretending to ignore these feelings/thoughts exist, all that happens is bottled emotion that eventually spews at the wrong moment because it’s never been dealt with. And on the flip side, trying to ignore the things you enjoy or justify them away is equally as dishonest to yourself about who you are. Have you ever tried to pour yourself into something because as a girl your supposed to love it? Or tried to justify away the nice or name brand item you have? Or act disinterested in sports because, after all, football is just for guys, and it would kill the women in your life if you chose cleats over pompoms? Embrace those things and declare them. Because if you choose to create a lie, you soon will be living one, and eventually it will come back to bite you.
Honesty is freeing. With hurt comes healing and renewal. So it’s time to be honest…
——————————————————————-
Welcome to Coffee & Conversation!
We know you’ve always wanted a chance to find out what your favorite bloggers really have going on in life. What’s on their hearts. To have a coffee blate where you can pour out what’s on your mind.
Well this is a weekly link up that gives you just that opportunity. Grab a cup, and join the conversation.
These aren’t your typical, “What’s your favorite craft?” or “Tell me something silly about you” questions. They hit real life and are about creating a conversation with your bloggy buds.
SO COME LINK UP WITH YOUR HOSTS!
RULES
1// Follow your hosts via GFC
Lauren Kalyn
2// Link up your blog post answering that week’s question instead of the main url for your blog. {Make sure to link back via text or the button below}
3// Have fun!! Visit other links and join the conversation with everyone. This is a conversation starter, so if you have a lot to say on the topic – run with it! 🙂
GRAB A BUTTON!
THIS WEEK’S QUESTION:
What is one of the most valuable lessons you have learned this year so far?
And so you can start thinking & writing about the next conversation piece, here’s the question for next week for you to ponder –
NEXT WEEK’S QUESTION:
Who has influenced you the most in your life – personally or professionally – and why?
my great granny influenced me the most! she survived the great depression and taught me to be resourceful and reuse things in different ways. i make a lot of my own beauty products and stuff because of her!
I am a new follower and new to your link up. I love this idea and am so glad I heard about it! Looking forward to being a part of it!
Dalayna
dalaynadillon.blogspot.com
Thank you for this post. I used to think that I was a bad person for some of the feelings I have. I am so glad I read this.
Sophia
twentyfiveseasons.com
Thank you for being so honest about honesty 🙂 I've been guilty of holding emotions in. It's just so easy to do most of the time. Instead of facing the root of the problem & allowing God to deal with our hearts.
I nominated your blog for a Leibster Award!
http://jessicalyndesigns.blogspot.com/2013/03/liebster-award.html
Honesty is so important! My husband and I read the "Confession" chapter of Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline. It encouraged us to be completely honest with each other…and that has been one of the best, most freeing experiences in our marriage. It really has changed our lives!! What a great lesson to learn!!