The Perks & Pitfalls of Living with the Parents

Since the big move from the Coast to the City, we have been attempting to search for our dream home. And as you all know, we are quite the thrifty couple, so in an effort to save money and avoid moving ALL of our stuff twice, we opted to live with the husbands parents in his childhood home until we found what we were looking for. We started looking in Feb and had no idea how long it would take, so we didn’t want to be tied to an apartment as well as a house should we find something, or have to pay more in rent to do a monthly lease. Well low and behold, we found the house the first day visiting properties with our realtor in Feb, but due to some special circumstances with the seller of the property we liked, we closed last week and our now homeowners! Whoohooo!

But anyhow, I wanted to share our experience living with the parents for the past 5 months in case any of you are contemplating the same path with your spouses in the near future. I moved in a month before my husband did, so I have two experiences to share, because they are indeed very different, especially if the parents are your spouses and not your own! As with any new situation, there is a learning curve. Understanding temperaments, organization methods, tastes, etc.

The husband and I had just celebrated 2 years when I moved in so I knew his parents pretty well at that point, but there are still so many differences in how you act “on vacation” with your in-laws in the first few years of marriage, and how you do after a good period of time together as a family. While I missed my husband terribly during this month, I was extremely thankful to have the opportunity to get to know both my mother-in-law and father-in-law a little better, and really don’t consider them “in-laws” at all, but simply family. I am incredibly blessed to have such loving and caring adults surrounding me, that I can share life with, speak openly about my faith with, and joke around with. While this month of the transition was less interesting than the four that followed, I can certainly say it was hands down much easier to ease into than I expected – I still had an inkling of fear of “what if they don’t really like me?”, I am so grateful for them and for the chance to be me without the husband and still be welcomed in with open arms. Perk!

When the husband moved in, the real stories of “perks and pitfalls” comes into play. You know how you felt when you merged your two lives together living in that first space together figuring out how to mesh together all of your stuff? Well, that pales in comparison to downsizing from a spacious two bedroom apartment to the room your spouse grew up in. Pitfall. All of our stuff went into storage, in the basement, at my mom’s, or in the tiny little room we shared. Finding anything was a bit of a struggle and having a place to put, well anything, became scarce quickly. I will say I did a good bit of cleaning out of my clothes due to this so that was a mini perk!

Mama Lisa and Pops host a bible study each week and we had tried to be busy during that time for a while but could never quite get the timing down of when to come home, or just felt plain awkward grabbing a plate and hiding upstairs like stowaways so we finally decided to join in until we moved. We have really enjoyed the class and met a good many friends that we now go to Sunday School with as well. Perk! And, there are always leftovers which means not having to buy as many groceries! Double Perk! As with anything there is a downside, and unfortunately these “free” meals come with a cost – not Paleo friendly usually, but oh so very tasty, meant breaking our lifestyle choices in order to not waste food or money. Pitfall.

Since they have an indoor/outdoor cat jaguar that lives there, we couldn’t bring along our little munchkin and she has been residing with my mom. Now Snuggles (yes, the giant old man cat is named Snuggles) is cute and all, he doesn’t compare to my precious little kitten. Plus, he has some pretty stinky breath form the wet food he eats and the drool is less than adorable as well. While Madre has thoroughly enjoyed having her, I feel like an absentee mother who has abandoned her little girl! Major Pitfall.

 While some may consider this a pitfall, and it certainly is, it has also become a perk. Seeing as how we are not the only people in the house, we couldn’t really have date nights at home or spontaneously partake of any extracurricular activities without some strategic planning. While we had to put a little more thought and energy into these areas, it certainly has made us come to appreciate the freedom of having our own space and find less overt ways to show our affection for one another. Pitfall & Perk.

We have saved a good bit of money by not paying rent, eating with family throughout the week and on Sundays, and by not being tempted to purchase much “stuff” as we have zero space for it. We have been able to be smart financially and learn a great deal about ourselves, our marriage, organization methods, lifestyle choices, and desires for our own house that have become invaluable to us through our time of moving back home. Perk!

I am rather slow diligent when getting ready, well whenever, but especially in the mornings. I go through about five outfits before I find the one I want to wear, change my jewelry often, and according to my husband simply waste time doing unneeded things like making the bed or organizing (likely in my towel or undies). And I tend to do all of this while grabbing a cup of coffee, fixing breakfast, and countless other activities that do not involve the bedroom. Now, here in lies the problem – a. there is only one bathroom upstairs b. the kitchen is downstairs c. while I did sneak my Keurig upstairs, the creamer lies below in the fridge. Simply, there is no way to prance around half naked without running into another family member. And while I am modest, I had no idea how much I enjoyed the freedom to do that when getting ready! Pitfall.

All in all, I would say that this experience has been way more of a perk than a pitfall. We are truly blessed to have been able to have this opportunity, and while I am so excited about our house and our own space, I wouldn’t have changed these few months and lived in an apartment instead. I love our family and have very much enjoyed getting to know them even better!