In light of this past weekend and the celebrations that ensued for a number of people in my life, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed, overanxious…and like a complete and utter failure. You see, this past Sunday was Mother’s Day, and well, I’m not one of those.
For a while now I have been struggling with the role of women in scripture and how my life should reflect Christ in the day to day. While I have been learning to cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit, I have learned to listen and watch. I have watched as countless women around me, most of whom are younger, welcome their newborn babies with all the joys of the world in the reflection of their eyes. I have read as women dear to me in this space have learned of pregnancies, second children, and have shared of all they have learned in “mommyhood”. From this spot, I have slowly slipped into a place where many of my friends are either single or having babies, leaving me in an odd floating space somewhere in the middle. And during this time, I have slowly felt the nagging question rise into my heart of whether or not motherhood is truly my ultimate goal as a woman of God, and by my lack of pregnancy at this stage in life if somehow something was wrong with me.
You see, on Mother’s Day we celebrate the false reality that for a woman to be complete she must be a mother. That lie that in motherhood, all things are wonderful, perfect, and fulfilled in meaning. And that those with children are somehow superior to those without, leaving the later full of grief, confusion, and and a deep sense of failure.
But what about the women who can’t have children? The ones anxiously awaiting adoption not knowing if they will ever be able to hear the previous word mama fall from the lips of a little one? What about those who have lost a child through tragedy or disease? Or the ones who gave away their precious babies for someone else to raise? What about the mother’s who use their children as a paycheck or loathe their very existence? The ones who don’t deserve the title or accolades as they are less than nurturing? What about the ladies who are still single? Or the one’s who simply aren’t ready yet to take on parenthood…
When we assume that only after motherhood can you truly understand unconditional love, we neglect the daughter who had to grow up too fast to provide for their younger brothers and sisters.
When we assume that only after motherhood can you truly understand sacrifice, we neglect the wife who put her dream on hold to follow her husband’s career.
When we assume that only after motherhood can you truly serve in the Kingdom, we neglect the women who have dedicated their lives to loving those around them as Christ did.
You see, while motherhood is something incredible, and sacred, and literally a vital part of the cycle of life and one of the relationships I cherish most in my life, motherhood does not define (or limit) the role of a Christian woman. And while it’s something, though terrified, I pray that one day I will be able to take part in – I feel as though we put a false sense of superiority on parents on such holidays if we forget that, like everything, there’s another side to the story.
These Hallmark holidays turn into “non optional social obligations” that place the most emphasis on obligatory flowers and chocolates one day of the year, rather than a lifetime of love and appreciation for the women who gave us birth, the ones who raised us, or all the women who joined in to nurture and pray for us, because after all, it takes a village.
Perhaps, instead of falling victim to a forced holiday, we should practice daily doting on the women people in our lives who encourage us to be the person we were created to be. Perhaps, we should shower our mother’s with gratitude, our female friends and colleagues with grace and without judgement, and allow ourselves to do the same when we look in the mirror; regardless of the number of children who call us mama.
[…] season of Advent, I have been doing just that. You may remember when I posted a while back on the misconceptions of motherhood, or even on my own fears of one day starting a family, and how for some time now I have grappled […]