The Discipline of Solitude

Series is a book review and study of Richard Foster’s Book, Celebration of Discipline. All quotes from the book are Foster unless otherwise denoted. 

The discipline of solitude is one that is often forgotten in today’s society as everyone is so fearful of being alone. Fearful of time by oneself being seen as due to lack of friends or a boring life. Fearful of not being included or missing out. Fearful, if we are honest, of the silence.

 

However, the questions begs to be asked if  ours fears are really valid? Solitude is more a state of mind and heart than it is a place. It has more to do with being set apart and being in oneness and community than with being alone. Loneliness is inner emptiness. Solitude is inner fulfillment. If we posses inward solitude, we do not fear being alone, for we know that we are not alone. Nor do we fear others because they don’t control us. We are freed to be at peace and wholly in communion with the Creator when we let go of these fears and release the grip, allowing the Lord to move in our hearts.

 

After all, Jesus lived in inner and outward solitude. As he taught us to pray and to fast, he showed us what it looked like to be in solitude as well. These scriptures provide us with a few examples:

 

Matt 4:11 | Matt 14:13-23 | Matt 17:1-9 | Matt 26:36-46 | Luke 6:12 | Luke 5:16 | Mark 1:35

 

Simply to refrain from talking, without a heart listening to God, is not silence. Though silence sometimes involves the absence of speech, it always involves the act of listening. If you’ve been here before, you’ll remember my attempts at cultivating a gentle and quiet spirit, and this is one of the main reasons for such a task. The more I slow down, stop talking, and open my ears to what the Lord is speaking into my life, the more I am able to love those around me more fully, and serve Him more freely. The less we are mesmerized by human voices the more we are able to hear the divine voice. The less we are bound by other’s expectations, the more we are open to God’s expectations.

 

As we are made for community with others, and commanded to love our neighbors, perhaps listening more and speaking less is something we should focus more of our efforts towards. After all, community and solitude go hand in hand. Dietrich Bonhoeffer suggests that “one who wants fellowship without solitude plunges into the void of words and feelings, and one who seeks solitude without fellowship perishes in the abyss of vanity, self-infatuation, and despair.”

 

So if you, like me, were wondering how we find such a balance of words,Thomas a Kempis offers that “it is easier to be silent altogether than to speak with moderation.”  Ecclesiastes tells us indeed that there is a time to speak and a time for silence. Perhaps it is control, rather than a lack of noise, that is the key to such a discipline.

 

We are commanded to let our words be few (Ecclesiastes 5:1-2 | Matthew 17:4) lest we all too often search to fill our conversations to the brim, blotting out the dreaded awkward silence we fear will consume us. Yet what would it look like if we didn’t speak to speak? What would it look like if we didn’t say more than what was needed of us?

 

We us words to control others. We use them for self justification. Our tongue is our most powerful weapon of manipulation – “a frantic stream of words flows from us because we are in constant process of adjusting our image”. What fools we become when we constantly fill the void rather than simply speak the truth and nothing more? Why do we feel the need to answer when we were never asked? Silence is intimately related to trust. We have to trust that we don’t need to justify every word we say, every response we give, or sort out every opinion that differs from our own. We don’t need to straighten others out. Control of the tongue can mean everything – what’s inside will come out. It’s a sort of spiritual thermometer, if you will. A measure of our heart, our thoughts, our desires. 

 

So here in comes the question of the darkness. Those times when we seek solitude, yet we can’t quite seem to hear the Voice. We feel as though we are lost meaning, purpose, and guidance. The purpose of the darkness is not to punish or afflict us. But rather, it is to set us free. In solitude we are freed from our bondage to people and our inner compulsions and we are freed to love God and know compassion for others. What should we do during such a time of darkness? Be still and wait. In being freed from all distraction, there is time that must inevitably pass. The darkness can become a hush and a stillness so that He may transform our very soul…if only we allow Him to work. Resist the advice to “snap out if it” – He is freeing us from ourselves and our own activity to draw us toward higher and deeper experiences.

 

For me, such periods, though difficult in the season, are ever rewarding. Such is why having a place to retreat to practice the discipline of solitude is a necessity. I just loved the picture below when I saw it on a friend’s Facebook page. It shows one of my very favorite places to go to be in solitude, the prayer labyrinth at our church. For me, it’s a close mini retreat during the day to spend time in prayer and meditation, especially during a fast. But as we mentioned earlier, solitude is not merely about a place, but about listening in the silence, and allowing God to work in us.

Here are a few ways to begin to practice the discipline of solitude and incorporate it into your life.

 

Take advantage of the “little solitudes” that fill our day (car, walk, shower, etc.).

Find or develop a quiet place (like the one above, or pictured below).

Foster recommends four times a year to withdraw for three to four hours for the purpose of reorienting your life goals – actually making a list – for now, 10 years from now, etc.

Remember that goals are discovered, not made.

God delights in showing us exciting new alternatives for the future.

You are going to go somewhere so how much better to have a direction that has been set by communion with the divine Center?

The fruit of solitude is increased sensitivity and compassion for others. We must go away from people to be truly present when we are with people.

It is out of our liberation from others and self that our ears become open to hear and our eyes unveiled to see the goodness of God.

Allow for our words to be few and full – there is no need to justify ourselves – He is our justifyer (Ecclesiastes 5:5).

 

Another one of my favorite places for solitude was the prayer chapel we created during our time at Camp Wesley in Latvia where I was able to sneak away from “leading” and simply seek His guidance and wisdom in the midst of being surrounded by a multitude of people.

 

To recap all of the spiritual disciplines from Foster’s book, check out the full series: Celebrating the Spiritual Disciplines