Every year when January rolls around, I find myself spending the first two weeks reflecting on a plethora of “newness” wondering where the last year went. But then, halfway through the month, I begin to get all mushy as I prep for celebrating our anniversary with fun traditions and flipping through our wedding album and the stress of striving for perfection in the new year washes away as I am immersed in love.
You see, marriage is not perfect. If you read my post last year, Not Your Typical Marriage Advice, you’ll understand what I’m getting at. Marriage is beautiful, difficult, fun, nerve-wracking, hilarious, and perfectly imperfect. We’ve been married now for four years (say what?!), and despite what many may think, I’m still classifying us as newlyweds. Perhaps it’s because I’m not ready to come to terms with the fact that this is the last year of my twenties. Perhaps it’s because we’re still in the single digits of married life. But maybe, just maybe, it’s because we are by no means experts at this think called love.
To me, being a newlywed means that you are still learning each other. Still pouring over questions and dissecting memories to know one another that much more. And this is one of the many ways that marriage is such a beautiful representation of Jesus and the church. Sacrificial love is just one of the ways that I see Christ exemplified in our marriage. I also see the example of how we are to pursue a relationship with Jesus.
Just as we are to study the Word, be in communication through prayer, and carve out time daily to spend with Jesus in order that we may grow in our relationship with Christ, the same should be happening in our marriage. We should be intentional about growing our marriage. That means making time for date nights. Putting down the phone, turning off the TV, and actually talking to each other. Taking the time to learn your partner’s hobbies, try new activities, and go on adventures together. Making the effort to present your best to your spouse, and going out of your way to tell them you love them.
You see, the moment we take our spouse for granted, the moment we become complacent in our relationship, sin can sweep right in. The more we just simply exist in that relationship, like when we walk through the motions of “being a Christian” rather than following after the heart of our King, the moment we suggest that we are better off without it & can make it our own.
Which is why, I think, just as we strive to have a childlike faith, full of questions, yearning to know our Creator with every fiber of our being, so should we continue to pour into our marriages. To occupy the “honeymoon phase” for longer than convention dictates. To laugh with one another, flirt with one another, and to respect one another. Daily. Marriage should not look the same on day one as it does at one year. Or five, or ten, or fifty. I long for our marriage to ebb and flow with the seasons of life, continually growing, forever centering on Christ, and radiating joy. I long to see every season as one in which we can learn more about one another, and fall deeper into love. To be able to say this time next year, that we are better for how we passed the year – that we continued to blossom.
There is a couple at our church that we went through Disciple with that truly emulate this. When you look at them, you see an abundance of love, of friendship, laughter, wisdom, and complete companionship in every situation. I want that. To radiate such love. To be “newlyweds” for life.
So often I feel like generic questions are tossed to us, seeking an equally generic response….
How’s life? Good.
How’s work? Good.
How’s married life? Good.
How’s the furry creatures? Good.
And I think, all too often, we are convinced that one word can sufficiently summarize these questions. And while it’s not always appropriate to spill every detail, I would challenge us all to take a moment and define what makes it so “good”. So to answer our most recent question, “How’s married life? 4 whole years!” rather than leave you with “good” I’m going to tell it like it is…
Married life is eyeing the clock so you can leave right at 5 because you can’t wait to make it home to your husband. Married life is watching every Alaska show ever made because you know how much your husband loves it. Married life is begging him to watch Harry Potter for the millionth time simply because it’s on ABC family. Married life is a broken garbage disposal. And water dispenser. And garage door opener. Married life is meal planning and cooking, and canning. Married life is doing fourteen projects at the same time because friends are coming over. Married life is sleeping in because your husband always takes the dog for a walk. And staying up late to prep for lessons just so you can snuggle on the couch until bedtime. Married life is forgetting to thaw the meat. Or put the crock pot on. Or leaving out ingredients. Married life is leading together, learning together, and serving alongside one another. Married life is dishes, and laundry, and more dishes, and even more laundry because you forgot to put it in the dryer. Married life is long hikes, laughing at your silly puppy, and communicating through only emojis & gifs. Married life is listening to Serial, disagreeing on politics, and challenging one another to grow in knowledge. Married life is being more annoyed than you ever thought you could be and being more in love than you could ever imagine.
Marriage is beautiful, difficult, fun, nerve-wracking, hilarious, and perfectly imperfect. And I wouldn’t change a second of it. Here’s to being newlyweds for life!
