Numbers

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about numbers. We seem to live in a world utterly consumed by them. Everywhere I turn, something is being measured by them. And while some of these numbers are useful and potentially lifesaving, the majority are not.  And those are the ones that inevitably take hold and rule our lives. Our happiness hanging on the ever desire to either increase or decrease these numbers in our lives. And sadly, too many times this has been all too true in my own life.

As women, the scale and the labels on our clothes take hold of our self worth. The lower the better. Always aiming to decrease whatever that number may be. And it never being low enough to satisfy. Dieting, exercise, starving ourselves. Doing whatever it takes to make that number lower. Just one more pound, just one more size. Then we will have the “right” look.

In school we long for the highest of numbers. The best test score. Extra credit on the next assignment. Governed by what grade it takes to increase your overall average. Obsessed with how many degrees you can earn. Studying, cramming, cutting corners. Doing whatever it takes to make that number higher.  Just one point higher, just one more degree. Then we will be the “best” student.

With the recent uprising of countless avenues of social media over the past few years, the highly innovative & very useful way to connect to people, comes new issues. We are consumed with the number of friends we have on Facebook. How many people have commented on or liked a post or picture. We boast of the number of followers on Instagram or how many tweets we shared. Updating statuses every minute, friending people you just met & will never see again, posting controversial topics just to get a rise. Doing whatever it takes to make that number higher. Just one more friend, just one more like. Then we will be the “most” popular.

What we seem to be striving for in all of these areas however is merely superficial quantities and not for substance and quality.  For so long I have struggled with confidence in such areas that the numbers have come to haunt me as well.  They have taken over my life in such a fashion that I have neglected the depths of what is important in these areas. That I have chased after the meaningless values that would make me “perfect” on the outside before showing the inward journey toward the One who is perfect. That false perception that no one will be ready to listen to what’s going on inside the pages unless they can enjoy what’s on the cover.

Yet I am reminded that no matter the number on the scale, or the size of my clothes, eating healthy and exercising often lead to the right body.  And that health is more than an xs shirt & zero jeans. I am inspired by the fact that yearning to learn is not merely defined by the amount of diplomas with your name on them. That a desire for higher and continuing education can stem from a desire to acquire intellect and not simply frames. I am encouraged that true friendships surpass more than the world of the internet, and that true meaning and depth in relationships can bloom in even the most unlikely of places as a blog.  And that a close and small circle is far superior to thousands of mere acquaintances.  While fighting for the heart of the King in this journey towards simplicity and a life of meaning, now more than ever I see that it is indeed more about quality than quantity in so many ways. Such a difficult but important lesson to hold on to.

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