Of the many things I heave heard about being pregnant (and I assure you, there have been several) one reoccurring theme has been how much I would enjoy being pregnant during Advent. How I would truly be able to relate to Mary, and how as I anticipated the birth of Christ along with the birth of my own child, it would be simply a magical time. That somehow, I had “won the lottery” on timing with my pregnancy and that I was now somehow going to be able to truly see my full purpose as a woman of God as I was created to be.  And while I feel quite confident that the majority of these comments came from places of love and a desire to see this season of pregnancy as a blessing to coincide with that of scripture, I can’t help but ponder the further implications of this conversation. And throughout the season of Advent, I have been doing just that. You may remember when I posted a while back on the misconceptions of motherhood, or even on my own fears of one day starting a family, and how for some time now I have grappled with the idea of what it means to be a “biblical woman”.
The season of Advent is one of waiting and preparation. Waiting on the arrival of the birth of Christ, and preparing our hearts for the reality of what that means. In so many ways, pregnancy certainly parallels this. We are eagerly anticipating the birth of our little one as we prepare not only our hearts, but our home, for how life will change once she is here. But one could argue that every season prior to an event that could be life changing could be paralleled as well. The engagement period before marriage. The final semester before graduation. The summer before a big move. The entire process of adoption. It seems to be that the physical comparisons are just much easier to make. But that’s not the point of Advent. The meaning is in the waiting and the preparation…for Christ. It really has nothing to do with us.
If it’s one thing I’ve learned since July is that this entire season, pregnancy, though in some small way desiring it to be, hasn’t been about me in the least. Of course I’ve seen in this most obvious ways that everything I do has an effect on my little one. What I eat, how I move, my sleep. Everything. That by some miracle, there is life blossoming inside of me, and while He is crafting her little being, I am merely a host to carry her as she grows and my actions can impact that process. It’s essential my thoughts linger on her needs before seeking to meet my own. A time of preparation for when she arrives and we will be tasked with caring for her. But more so I think, a time of preparing my heart for Christ, merely by using my current season as an example. You see, we are called to love others above ourselves. To serve them. To feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and shelter the homeless. And how vidid an example of doing unto the least of these than a tiny helpless babe in need of all of these things?
These past few months, our little family has gone through quite a bit. And while I’ve been creeping into my third trimester,  and turned 30, I’ve been told on every front that I should be pampered head to toe for both of these events. That this time should be all about me. And I would be remiss to say that I didn’t to a large degree agree with them. A tiny part of me desired the extravagant celebration and lavish treatment as I hit the dreaded 30 and my body continues to change. But God had larger plans for me. And a better gifts than I could have imagined. And I am so thankful for that. My sweet husband has been feeling pretty miserable since about September. A trip to the ER in October for him sent us into a whirlwind of a season we never expected. And while healing has yet to come in totality, we are on the path to ensuring that it does. He had to spend the end of October back in the hospital, and was discharged just before my birthday. The best present I could ask for! At that point, I didn’t think I could possibly understand that I could love him more than I already did, but somehow it’s possible. Being helpless to ease his pain, it’s been a learning curve of how to love him better. We tend to want to fix everything, but sometimes, that’s not what we’re called to. We’re called simply to be. To speak His love. To pray. And to be present.
Round two in the hospital came in December with discharge just before Christmas with a game plan of how to move forward. The whole weekend in the hospital was nothing more than a waiting game. Waiting on decisions. Waiting on results. Waiting on answers. And wondering why the waiting couldn’t be at home. On Saturday, we got a call that my mom’s apartment had caught fire while she was staying with us, and upon inspection the damage is pretty extensive. Moreover, the fire alarm didn’t sound and the fire was in the hallway – the only escape route from the master bedroom. Now you can always play devil’s advocate on this side of time, but I chose to believe that there was a greater plan in place. That while I will never know why my husband is going through this pain, he is here with me, and though the road to full recovery is a long one in front of us, we can travel it together. That while I will never know that fire had to occur, I am assured she was meant not to be there so that she can be here with us now.
Perhaps merely I am emotional from the crazy amount of hormones within me. Perhaps I’m merely sentimental because of the holidays. But I know that this season of Advent, of waiting and preparing, the Lord has surrounded me with opportunity to love. To serve as Christ commands. And with people to join with me in that journey. As a reminder that it’s not about me. It’s about Him. And that it is in community we join together to be his hands and feet in more than just the typical manner – with the typical imagery – but that Christ came to break the mold and do the extraordinary. So as we exit this season of Advent, having celebrated the birth, and move into the new year, may we not forget that pregnant or not, female or not, we are all able to receive the gift of His grace and mercy and we are all called to spread His unending love to those around us in service.
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