I’m a planner. A list maker. A rule follower. I like to make the most of my time and do as much as possible in that time frame. I’ve had a job since high school. And have been super involved since I was a kid with sports and extracurriculars all the way through college. Even as an adult, I’ve occupied my free time with small groups, junior boards, and volunteer work. So basically, “free time” is something I know nothing about. And that’s how I’ve liked it.
And then last summer, the Lord started stirring within me this idea of busyness and letting go of being hurried. And emptying my plate a bit. And learning to be still. So I began to do just that, in order to make space for our growing family and the commitment of raising a child would become. I never took a break during pregnancy, working and continuing all of my other commitments and blogging until the Friday before little miss made her arrival on Tuesday. So naturally, in my true stubborn nature, I planned on picking everything right back up once we got back home. But then life happens, and sometimes the best thing you can do is to not do anything at all.
This past month, for really the first time in a long time if not ever, I have felt completely unaccomplished. And I’m ok with that.For as long as I can remember I’ve always had something to do. Whether its school or sports or extracurricular activities – since I was about four I was involved in something. I even had a job in high school and have continued involvement in church groups, junior boards and blogging as an adult. All while maintaining time with friends and family. Then last summer, the Lord really tugged at my heart about being to hurried. There’s one thing about being busy, but there’s another thing to never stop. To never be still.
I worked until the week before little miss made her arrival, and figured that once we got home from the hospital I would pick everything right back up again, just now with a sidekick. But the Lord had other plans. I can’t say I’ve really ever spent much time doing nothing. But these last few weeks that’s exactly been the case. Or so I thought. Except when I say I’ve been doing nothing, that really doesn’t even begin to describe it. For so long I based my productivity on how many things I could check off of a list. I’ve seldom been one to take time and simply sit and relax and just be present with those around me. These past three weeks at home with my sweet little nugget, I’ve learned that sometimes when we feel like we’ve accomplished nothing at all, we’ve really accomplish the greatest thing there is. There’s nothing like spending time (quality time) with the people you care about.
While knew I’d be taking off time from work, I knew there were also some things that I have to do to maintain our department, so I didn’t feel like I was completely stepping away. What I didn’t imagine was taking time away from this place. This is always been an outlet for me for creativity, but it’s also morphed into so much more than that and has come to be a place for community. I always told myself that I would never let this become an obligation. Then I would never feel sorry for how many posts I accomplished in a week. And that I would never apologize if I chose to step away. So these past few weeks as I’ve been home nursing, cuddling, and playing with my precious little girl, I’ve decided to simply just be. To take a break and relax. So that’s what we’ve done. I’ve shamelessly watched countless hours of Grey’s Anatomy while holding my sweet little one. I’ve nursed and pumped and rolled around on the floor for tummy time. I’ve stayed in my pajamas for longer than necessary, gone on walks with the little tiger and puppy, and I’ve gathered countless ideas from fixer-upper. I’ve tried to put my phone away, and during feedings late at night simply just pray over my sweet daughter. Pray for our family. And pray for strength for me. I will never get this time back to be home all day every day with my little one and I want to cherish that. I want to breathe in and breathe out knowing that it’s OK if the dishes don’t get done. It’s OK if the laundry doesn’t get done. Or if the bed doesn’t get made. And knowing that the greatest thing that I offered to my daughter during this break is my love and my time. And I want to start that habit now. One where I may not get the perfect picture to capture the moment because I was too busy laughing with my people, and being present to even grab the camera.
