If you’ve been with me for a while you know that this is a topic that is constantly on my mind. Perfection. Something that I struggle with. Something that I strive towards. And it something that sometimes is debilitating. The beginning of last year I worked through finding joy in simplicity and that is been my life aim solidified into a phrase. It’s become the tagline of this space, because I’m finding that joy truly is a product of being present in the moment and not searching for more of anything. Finding a place of contentedness where we are not lacking anything because we have all we need in each other.
When I picked up Present Over Perfect I had the best of intentions to read it as soon as I got it shortly after I read Grace, Not Perfection. But then life happened, as it always does, and I put it on the shelf to come back to again. Then it sat on my nightstand for months on end to be honest, and it wasn’t until October of last year that I finally picked it back up. I was going through a rough patch. After season of spiritual dryness, we were trying to discern what was next for our family in terms of community and our church home. I picked it up as a break from school work trying to clear my head, and yet wondering why I was adding one more thing to my plate, not knowing the path this book would continue down.
Shauna Niequist wrote this when she found herself at a point of exhaustion and isolation. At a point of sickness of body and soul. She was tired of being tired and burned out on being busy. And that’s exactly where I was. And maybe that’s why hit me so hard. I was at a point my life where I was juggling so many things – good things – but there was no ‘white space’ as Emily Ley puts it. No margin. A lot of what Shauna writes is an echo of what was instilled through Grace, Not Perfection and through my desire towards a journey of finding joy in simplicity. While my heart was there in that desire, little progress had been made in that journey. Present Over Perfect nudged me to realize that I had simply been maintaining an exhausting image of perfection trying to do everything. I had begun the tedious process of clearing clutter in our house, or giving myself permission to go to the gym, but I hadn’t dealt with so much else that was contributing to this tidal wave of a need for perfection. Constantly falling into the comparison game, being molded by the pressure to be perfect, and missing out on the best because I was saying yes to all of the good. (A spot that was further solidified when I picked up The Best Yes– review on that coming soon.)
Reading this book was more like talking to an old friend. Someone wiser, vulnerable with experience. Someone reaching out and giving you the permission and freeing you from the pressure. Why is it so hard to free ourselves? Shauna is the voice in the community that allows you to believe that you’re not alone – that you’re not the only one longing for connection. For meaning. For depth. Gently showing you that you’re settling for busy. Settling for a schedule that looks pristine. Settling for more letters behind your name. Or a promotion. Or a picture perfect Instagram feed. Putting on a show for the world that looks a lot like perfection, but that lacks the beauty and depth that comes with a life filled with joy.
The outward image of perfect let’s you think you’ve got it all together. That your life is the one others are striving towards – garnering the question “how does she manage to do it all?”. When in reality, you’re frantically paddling under the water, barely keeping your head above the waves, and missing out on the most important parts of life. Missing out on the moment because you’re trying to craft the perfect representation of the life that’s unattainable. I realized that not only was I making myself miserable with my busy schedule and lack of contentment in the present moment – it was starting to bleed out – I was teetering the line and I was not the only one feeling frantic and on the verge of spinning out of control.
Perhaps her words touched me so deeply because she has been marked by this intense push as well. She’s been there, and she’s moving through it living into grace, learning to rest, and making space again for margin. Moving out of the frantic and into simplicity is a process – and one that is much better journeyed together knowing you’re not alone. And let me tell you, you are not alone. Take my hand and join me in this journey.
