If you’ve been following along on Insta Stories this year, you’ll have seen the multitude of books that I’ve read (or listened to) so far this year. And several of y’all have asked for more reviews, so I wanted to tackle one I’ve long been forming the words to. Have you heard of the book Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are so You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be by Rachel Hollis? I’d venture to say you have.
Rachel Hollis is taking the Christian world by storm—and I get it. She’s beautiful, smart, ambitious, funny, and a crazy good writer. The girl can tell a story that will have you crying one minute and rolling on the floor laughing the next.
She’s carved out a nice little corner of the internet for herself, cultivating a community more than a million strong and growing through her blog and social media. She cooks, decorates, gives advice, and is known for her no-nonsense honesty and humor: “I love Jesus, and I cuss a little. I love Jesus, and I drink alcohol. I love Jesus, and some of my best friends are gay,” she recently posted on Facebook. Now that’s a gal that people can get on board with, right?
So when basically everyone I know was raving about her book, I had to stop and ask, who is this gal? And where can I get this book. Luckily for me my MIL put it in mine & my SIL’s Easter baskets so I didn’t have to look very far. Now we are WELL PAST Easter you may say, but it’s taken me a minute to formulate just how I want to talk about this book, since it might be a little different from most people.
You see, I’ve got some mixed emotions.
The female Christian community has raved that this is a must read book for all women of all ages, but there were several places throughout the book where I had to ask myself if she was writing a book for Christian women, or maybe was just a Christian who is writing a book for women. She has so many nuggets of wisdom, and great takeaway quotes, and her stories are profoundly vulnerable. It’s no shocker that Hollis connects deeply with her audience. Having survived a difficult childhood and the suicide of her brother when she was in her early teens, the advice she offers hasn’t come cheap or easy.
There was that time her boyfriend continually treated her poorly. After dumping her and smashing her heart into pieces, he called to see how she was doing. When she calmly said, “Hey, I am done with this. I am done with you. Don’t ever call me again,” and shut off her phone, I was sending high-fives and a hearty, “You go, girl!” And yet, Hollis doesn’t attribute this wisdom to knowing who she is in Christ. Rather, she credits self-love.
Hollis is a self-proclaimed Christian, and the book is published by Thomas Nelson (a Christian publisher). References to the Bible, Jesus, her faith, and Christianity are scattered throughout the book. yet much of Hollis’s advice isn’t Christian, though there are some great nuggets within. And the only issue I see here is that the label doesn’t quite match the contents.
Rachel threads her book tackling the lies that we often tell ourselves as women and how to combat them, however she brings common lies that seem to be the starting point for all her advice as well that are a bit contrary to the belief system she claims.
You Come First, and Your Happiness Depends on You
Make no mistake, sisters. This book is all about you. Just in chapter one, Hollis writes:
“You are meant to be the hero of your own story.”
“You, and only you, are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happy you are.”
“You should be the very first of your priorities.”
Girl, Wash Your Face is littered with references to self-love and self-care. In fact, the theme is so pervasive that it shapes how Hollis responds to everything—from hardship to trauma to parenting to working out.
In all these scenarios, the answer is always something like picking yourself up by your bootstraps and striving and trying and running a marathon and getting therapy and reciting mantras and reading a good blog post (she may be on to something there) and seeing a guru and drinking wine and not drinking wine and relaxing and taking a vacation and keeping the promises you make to yourself. Anything but surrendering your life to Jesus and placing your trust in him alone. This is far more a self-help book rather than a call to dig into your faith.
Your happiness, your success, your everything—it’s all up to you, ladies. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that’s good news. Jesus offers us true joy and peace, but only after we realize that we’re not the center of our own lives and that we’re no longer in charge. The sooner we realize there is nothing we can do alone that will bring us ultimate happiness, the sooner we can move towards true depth of joy. “If anyone would come after me,” he says, “let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Matt. 16:24). Jesus was pretty clear about the fact that we are not the center – He is. And a life of seeming perfection does not allow for the beautiful chaos that inevitably comes from following after Christ.
Never Give Up on Your Dreams
Hollis spills quite a bit of ink trying to convince you that no matter what your big dream is, you should never let it go. Don’t take “no” for an answer, she insists. But instinctively, we all know this doesn’t work. Sometimes our dreams are simply not realistic, and other times our dreams are not in line with His will. I mean, who hasn’t cringed watching the tone-deaf American Idol contestant screeching his way through the audition, only to be told he has a different calling. We all know he should give up on his ‘dream’. We all know it’s not realistic. Sometimes our passions and our talents don’t align and there is no amount of practice that will change it. Sometimes, our dreams need to be pruned and molded, like clay, into something realistic. Even if singing isn’t his strong suit – it doesn’t mean a career encompassed by music can’t be in his future – it just might look at a little different.
And maybe it just rubbed me the wrong way, but Rachel’s dream seemed one of fame and extravagance: “I’m a big fan of displaying visuals inside my closet door to remind me every single day of what my aim is. Currently taped to my door: the cover of Forbes featuring self-made female CEOs, a vacation house in Hawaii . . . and a picture of Beyoncé, obvi.”
Jesus never called us to chase after power, money, and fame; he calls us to follow him. “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matt. 10:39). That’s not to say that fame, financial gain, or wealth of any kind is diametrically opposed to living a life that honors the Lord. But if that’s the end goal, there may be a slight departure from a life that seeks to glorify him. It’s all too easy in this world (especially in the US) to see these as the ultimate goal – but what if our desire for these things was to build a platform, to show love to others, and to generously and graciously share what we have with those around us?
Judgment Is Bad
Every time you tell people to never judge, you commit the very misstep you’re railing against. You’re judging those who (by your standard) are judgmental. This is highlighted in a particularly shocking section of chapter 1, in which Hollis gives a hypothetical example. She asks you to imagine a friend named Pam who has started several diets, only to fail two weeks in and gain back all the weight she lost. Hollis writes:
Y’all, would you respect her? Would you count on Pam or the friend who keeps blowing you off for stupid reasons? Would you trust them when they committed to something? Would you believe them when they committed to you? No.
So, if you fail at a diet and gain your weight back, you can’t be trusted? I actually had to read that section three times just to be sure I wasn’t misunderstanding her. I wasn’t. Can you see how judgy this is? And how wrought with error this judgement is in and of itself? Maybe this example was to be a bit extreme, but failure in a task doesn’t always mean a lack of personal character – there is always more to the story. And until we know all the supporting details, we can’t accurately make the choice to not trust them.
And yet we all fall to this on a daily basis. And while we are certainly called to not be judgmental, we are challenged to judge situations as they arise to determine the correct response. This is why they say someone “exercised good judgement” when they make a decision after evaluating the situation. We can’t just accept everything as it is without any sort of questioning. But we also can’t reach a conclusion without all the facts. Exercising judgement is a tricky topic, and a complicated task, one where practice is necessary and a middle ground is optimal.
When giving advice on meeting new people, Hollis advises that from the first handshake, “We pay attention to things like character and heart and wisdom and experience.” But how can anyone evaluate those things in another person without judging? We all make judgments. What’s important is that we judge rightly. As Jesus said, “Judge with right judgment” (John 7:24).
You Can (And Should) Always Do More
I must admit, reading this book was a battle for me. I wanted to like it. But I found myself debating several points, only to turn the page and give a heartfelt “amen”. Like the quote above – there were several lines I could form as mini mantras.
However, most of the book was all about what I can be doing better and what I’m not doing well enough. How to be better at work, parenting, and writing. How to be less bad at cardio, sex, and, you know, changing the world. But what I (and I dare say most of you) need to hear, is a call to grasp the good news of who I am in Christ – and nothing else – as the source that brings true rest.
And while maybe not her intended point, I walked away with a greater realization that my success comes from Christ alone and not by my own power. Regardless of my follower count on Instagram, the size of my bank account, or my title at work – at the end of the day, I am a daughter of the King and as long as I am seeking His face, I am doing what I was created to do.
Even if I never successfully complete a diet. Even if I have a bad day and yell at my kids. Even if I never reach my financial goals or climb the ladder at my dream job. Even if my life consists of nothing more than living in quiet and humble service to the God of glory.
So rest from striving for more, my friend. Make some margin for what matters. Yes, wash your face. Take care of yourself. Make good choices. But know who you are in Christ Jesus. If you let this truth become the foundation of how you see the world, you’ll be content to glorify Him in every situation—whether cleaning bathrooms or relaxing at your beach home, changing diapers or crushing your career goals.
