Jen Hatmaker is a hoot. If you’ve ever read one of her books or studies you know this all too well. In fact, I often enjoy listening to her writing (as well as her podcast) because she is so dang relatable and downright hilarious. She has a gift to speak truth, but also to bring authenticity and humor when diving into deep soul searching material. She’s the kind of gal you’d want to get coffee (or a beer) with and just walk alongside in life and faith.
In her book, For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards, Jen does not disappoint.
She starts the ball off by reaffirming that the idea of “balance” is basically a unicorn. We as women have been sold the lie that we CAN have and do it all with not only grace, but perfection. Family. Work. Community. And 467 other responsibilities and categories balanced with ease. But Jen confirms:
Listen to me: No one can pull this off. No one is pulling this off. The women who seem to ride this unicorn only display the best parts of their stories. Trust me. No one can fragment her time and attention into this many segments.
When talking about calling she reminds us that everyone’s calling looks different. Yes, she was called to ministry in the “typical” sense involving a church and speaking, but that DOES NOT mean that when you are called elsewhere it is not the Lord’s work. We can’t all be clergy. Sharing the gospel of Christ has to move past the walls of the church. Has to move out into the world. Into the messes, and outside of our comfort zones.
Theology is either true everywhere or it isn’t true anywhere.
She offers this simple piece of advice: JUST TELL THE TRUTH. Wow. How much easier would it all be if we were just honest with one another? In friendship, in business, and especially with ourselves. If we stopped pretending to be people we aren’t to impress people we don’t care about? If we stopped justifying our actions and owned up to our mistakes and shortcomings? The truth can be painful, yes, but it is also lifegiving.
The chapters entitled “Thank-You Notes” are reason enough to buy this book. With a nod to Jimmy Fallon, Jen hilariously lays out what we’ve all been thinking all this time anyhow.
Maybe you’re like me. A mom, who has a job outside the home, and struggles with the ever nagging mom guilt that I am just not doing this gig right. “If you’re worried about being a bad parent, you’re probably a good one.”
She even throws some recipes in throughout which was a fun addition, because, hello, we have to eat, and there’s no better excuse to invite friends over than to try a new dish! (Note: now let’s be clear, I am not at all the one who cooks in our house as my sweet husband not only sacrificially does this daily, but he is quite talented in the kitchen and more than knows his way around a grill. But every now and then I whip out an apron for new recipes!)
We prioritize keeping the peace over confrontation, but the result is more suffering, not less.
There is a chapter dedicated to difficult people, which could be a topic for an entire book in my opinion. The older I get the more this seems to be a present struggle in life. There are going to be difficult people in your life. People you disagree with professionally, politically, and socially. The point is not for us all to become this homogenized blob of repetitiveness. The point is to love each other and celebrate our differences. To listen to every side, and to love like Christ did; even, and especially, when we don’t agree with one another.
She speaks about “poverty tourism”, a concept I long had difficulty putting to words.
Anytime the rich and poor combine, we should listen to whoever has the least power.
I did several one-week mission trips in college, and often I was left longing for more from those experiences after returning to the states. When I was in Bolivia, I realized what was missing for me was the long term establishment of relationships and education in some of those trips. It was aimed to be an experience for the missionary teams – one where we could use our wealth and privilege to “better” a community by introducing their children to candy and crafts, and by slapping on a fresh coat of paint to an otherwise impoverished area. In order for short term missions to work, these teams must walk along people in the community, assisting in their vision, and maintaining relationships long term. Otherwise we are putting a baindaid on a bullet wound and patting ourselves on the back when we show the world the pictures of our deep spirituality.
Jen tends to quote Brene Brown, well because she’s often quite right:
If we’re going to find our way out of shame and back to each other, vulnerability is the path and courage is the light. To set down those lists of what we’re supposed to be is brave.
